My Testimony

I considered myself to be agnostic for a little over 20 years. For many that knew me during my drinking years, you would likely recall me bringing up God to anyone and everyone that was a believer in an attempt to make them look foolish in their beliefs. Truth is, I wanted to be convinced. I wanted to believe in God. I wanted to feel pure. The problem was I was unwilling to listen, I was unwilling to let go of ego and repent, because of that, my life was a living hell.

Over the 12 years of my addiction to drugs and alcohol I made a couple of shallow attempts at becoming a Christian but it was all a show, my heart was never in it because I had zero intention of actually changing my life. I lied to myself and everyone around me.

Then a day came when I finally gave up. Lying in a hotel room, half gallon of vodka in one hand and a cigarette in the other, a moment of clarity hit me, I called my probation officer to come take me to jail. I had finally had enough. This is what many would call a moment of clarity, I now call it my first real conversation with God.

Instead of jail, I ended up in a year long treatment program, and this is where my life changed forever. Within the first few weeks I had another one of those “moments of clarity” while speaking with another client about religion and God. This was a pivotal point of my spiritual growth, and although I didn’t out right start believing in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, I began living my life in an entirely new way. I prayed, I meditated, I listened, but I never attributed what was happening to me or what I was hearing or feeling as God, but rather the “universe”.

It was a little over a year ago, at 8 years sober, that I was working and suddenly felt and/or heard something outside of myself saying “Its going to be ok”. I wasn’t going through anything particularly stressful at that time, but in that moment, I felt more freedom from this world than I have ever experienced. It lasted only for a small moment, but I suddenly had this compulsion to start learning about God. As soon as I got off work, I got on youtube and started listening to sermons, I ordered a Bible and for the first time as I read it, it all made sense to me.

Now, as a 20 year agnostic and skeptic, and the fact that my life has been very good ever since I got sober, I had a hard time believing what I experienced was real. It took me about 9 months of reading, listening, and talking to my wife before I finally went to a real Church. Once that happened, I knew what I was feeling was real. A little over two weeks ago I got Baptized and joined the Church.

God didn’t transform me over night. He met me where I was and gave me the choice to pursue him. I believe I was given that option 1000’s of times before but I never listened.

I’m listening now and I thank God I was given the opportunity to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior and repent.

2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.

5 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Chapter 1 Where am I? Is it late or early I can’t tell? Before I begin to comprehend what’s happening, I shuffle through a pile of garbage to find some cigarettes, the first cigarette after a black